Mindfulness in Daily Life: Part 2

Author: Diana Gordon, Psy.D.
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In this series, we are introducing skills for practicing mindfulness in your daily life. In Part 1 of this series, we introduced 3 basic skills (Observe, Describe, and Participate) that you can use to turn any activity into a mindfulness activity. In today’s post, we will introduce 3 more advanced skills that you can use to enhance your existing mindfulness practice.

If you’ve been practicing using Observe, Describe, and Participate, you can incorporate these advanced skills to deepen your practice. As you’ve likely noticed in your practice, these are skills that you can take with you and use at any time. You can use them to incorporate a bit of mindfulness into your day whenever and wherever you’d like. You can also use them during times when you might be experiencing difficult emotions. You’ll notice that the more you practice the skills, the more effective they are at helping you step back and reduce negative emotions during stressful times.

Nonjudgemental stance

• You may have noticed when using the “what” skills (observe, describe, and participate) that it is very difficult to avoid judgments. Many of us are so used to placing judgments on our observations that we don’t even realize we are doing it
• Judgments serve an adaptive function. As human beings, we sometimes need to use judgments to keep ourselves or others safe, or to make important decisions.
• Often, however, judgments heighten emotions and can make tense or difficult situations worse. They can also prevent people from thinking flexibly and changing their mind about situations.
• Taking a nonjudgmental stance can allow you to observe your thoughts, behaviors, activities, etc in a different way. In doing so, you may gain new insight and may begin to think differently about many aspects of your life. This may lead you to try out new behaviors that move you closer to your ultimate goals and values.
• If you find that you often have negative and judgmental thoughts about yourself, using this skill can help you become gentler with yourself. You can simply observe those thoughts and then let them go, rather than becoming stuck in a pattern of negative thinking.
• Ways to practice:
  • Next time you notice that you are thinking negatively about yourself, try to simply observe yourself nonjudgementally. You might say things like “I’m noticing that I’m having thoughts about how inadequate I am.” You might also observe and describe the things around you to help you become more present and in touch with your surroundings. For example, you might notice sensations in your body or what you see around you. If you notice yourself having more negative thoughts, don’t judge yourself for not doing the exercise perfectly. Simply notice and move on.
  • Go to a public place and “people watch” without judgment. Describe the clothes people are wearing, how their hair is styled, etc without judgment.

One Mindful

• Being mindful means to be truly aware of what you are doing and experiencing. It involves being in the here and now, rather than being in the past or present.
• Learning to be mindful can be very challenging because of the many distractions present in our lives.  It’s important to be non-judgmental of your efforts to practice mindfulness.
• One-mindfulness can help you do your best at every task, because you are devoting your full and undivided attention. Additionally, it can reduce stress by helping you focus less on things in the past or present that are sources of unpleasant emotion.
• A great way to practice mindfulness is through guided mindfulness activities. There are many free guided mindfulness meditations available online. There are also low-cost apps, such as Meditation Oasis, that provide guided meditations. As you become more proficient at practicing mindfulness for short periods of time, you can begin to be mindful for longer and/or in more emotionally challenging situations.

Effective

• As we become more attuned to our present experience and learn to describe it non-judgmentally, we begin to develop insight into what behaviors are most effective in any given situation
• Ideally, when you approach situations with complete focus and without judgment, you are able to examine them objectively. This prevents you from allowing your emotions to make decisions for you
• Being effective simply means doing what works. Rather than focusing on what is right or wrong, fair or unfair, you focus on what behaviors are going to move you closer to your ultimate goals.
• Most of us can remember a time when we made a decision because we felt strongly that it was “right,” even though we knew deep down that it wouldn’t get us the outcome we wanted. Making decision that are a matter of principle may feel satisfying in the moment, but it can be self-defeating in the long run.
• Prioritizing effectiveness doesn’t always mean that you should give in. Rather, it means that you should weigh the importance of the decision and think about what it will cost you to be “right.” Weigh the pros and cons and determine whether this is a time when you should cling to being right, or whether this is a time that you can let go of that and do what works.
• This skill is easiest to practice in conjunction with other mindfulness skills that help you reduce your emotional reactivity. For example, if you can first observe and describe a challenging situation, you will notice that you feel less emotional and more logical. Once you notice a shift in your emotional response, try to consider the most effective course of action.

Many people have the most success with starting a mindfulness practice when they choose a consistent time each day to practice. You might try choosing a specific task to do mindfully every day, as suggested in Part 1 of this series. Or you might choose a specific time of day that you know is convenient for you to practice these skills. When you make mindfulness a daily habit, you will strengthen your skills and will be more prepared to draw on the skills in difficult situations. Begin by practicing the basic skills introduced in Part 1, and add on these advanced skills when you feel ready.

Stay tuned for part 3 of our mindfulness series, which will introduce a structured process for applying mindfulness to difficult situations. In the meantime, practice using Observe, Describe, Participate, Non Judgemental Stance, One Mindful, and Effective in your day to day life. If you’d like more information about how to use mindfulness to manage difficult feelings, please contact us to set up a free phone consultation.